kristin has been a bad kristin
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
