we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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