His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
