if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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