What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
