clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
