No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
