I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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