i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
