My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
