hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
