I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
