She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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