I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
