the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
