I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
