i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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