I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
