Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
