he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
