Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
