i barfeds in our rink
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
whose parrot is this?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
