Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
