well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
