I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
