he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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