Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Two words: blizzard sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
