i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
even my farts smell like vagina
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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