Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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