Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
