we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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