I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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