So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
