Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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