Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
