first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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