Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
