Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
