It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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