did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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