I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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