at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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