Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
