First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you mean i was at the winter classic?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
