listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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