I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
