Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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