Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
