you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
