yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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