don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
