Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
