I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
